When Belonging Shines
Compassion and Belonging: Spirit in Matter
Transgender Connection
Heaven knows my north star has been to learn compassion to sense my belonging. The north star, the label for the wanderings in which we all meander to fill our heart with purpose. I have these whispers of wonder that have guided me through, through all the changes I needed to find my way to be more compassionate. My soul was touched by the compassion of diverse friends in the pool. This soul, who no longer lives a narrow belonging, found a deeper belonging with those not quite like me. The spirit of matter in belonging, demonstrated in a moment that warmed my heart and affirmed my broad belonging. I was not alone in relating to a God who loves us all.
My first 20 years of life were very much a narrow belonging, rained in a Lutheran family (all my cousins, all my family members were Lutheran). I attended a Lutheran College. Being Lutheran was the spirit in the matter. I made it one and a half years within that religious experience, not long enough to obtain a degree. After the narrow restrictions of my religious college experience, I began to attend a public university, I evolved and expanded and became the one to have friends from many kinds of tribes — a learner at heart. I was never quite accepted by any one tribe, and not sure one tribe would adopt me! Perhaps it began in my childhood, embedded in convention, being asked to greet the dogma of upbringing with the deepening meaning of experiences of those in the expanse of difference outside of me.
A learner at heart, so filled with a quest of learning, beyond memorization of words. Early in life I met my grandparents’ expectations, memorizing bible verses galore, though I never quite mastered the skill of my college professor, who lectured The Old and New Testament from memory. This beginning of learning, of memorizing words, led to a path of questions, so many questions. My first question, how can a loving God send billions of people to hell? That doesn’t feel loving. The first of my whispers within that began a separation from beliefs of my childhood.
Ingrained within me, early on was this idea that Lutherans understand God more deeply, for our movement reformed Christianity. Those different from me, I was to view as evil. I must keep myself separate from those that are evil. A friend in early high school started dating a Mormon. This religion was a cult as defined by our Christian beliefs. I followed my learnings, I can no longer be friends, we are now too different. A compassion for difference was nonexistent within me. I had a great need to learn compassion — the need for my north star meanders deeply ingrained.
Lutheranism emerged from the works of Martin Luther, separating us from the beliefs of the Catholics. I learned from my church that Martin Luther was our hero. I learned through history, in secular school, that Martin Luther contributed to the Holocaust. The hero of my childhood church, contributed to evil. I needed reconciliation. Jews, refused to give up their beliefs to join this Reformed Christian movement. So long ago, Jews were demeaned and dehumanized in writings by the founder of my church. These writings infiltrated the beliefs within Germany, the country in which Martin Luther began this Reformation. My whispers of wonder seeking the spirit in this matter, pondering the nature of good and evil. Christians, superior to Jews, God loves us more and because we believe the “right way” we become spirits in heaven upon our death, but not Jews. A god who can forgive future pastors in sexual relations before marriage in college cannot forgive those of Jewish faith.
A beloved God, unable to forgive after our death, just during life on earth. The Jesus I’ve come to know shares a different message. Jesus, modeling the way, a way filled with compassion. What did Jesus model? Spirit in matter. Jesus challenged interpretation. My spiritual learning took on a role of challenging interpretation. I followed the way I had learned about so deeply as a child and young adult. I’ve learned a new way to follow. The way modeled by a Jesus I came to know through experience, research and following the whispers within. I lost trust in my church along the way. My faith shattered by belief in a God who demanded separation. A God without compassion for those beliefs of difference, yet a God whose Son commands that we love our neighbor as we do the self. A slow evolution of my beliefs occurred over a long-time frame to grow both my belonging and my compassion. For, without my religious home, my belonging had been searching for a home.
In college, a friend, revealed she is gay, and shared her feelings of persecution she felt by those with Christian beliefs. This event deepened my journey in search for a loving God. I learned from Martin Luther; we can interpret biblical concepts differently. We can reform. I learned from Martin Luther; we need more depth to reformation, for the reforms also caused harm. I learned from the end of my friendship with a Mormon, to not separate from my gay friend. Jesus second greatest commandment was to love thy neighbor as thyself. What are those few passages that bring the spirit in matter to condemn the gays? Does the second greatest command take precedence? Did not Jesus take on religious establishment and the interpretation of Jewish law? My separation with my church expanded. We should all be loved. My sense of belonging in the world faded without a home.
Reconciliation has a way. The spirit in matter finds a way. I learned the bible, and learned it again, and again, and again. In childhood, through church and family, the minister’s granddaughter. In high school, in World Religion Class. In college, Old and New Testament courses. Throughout the next 50 years of my life, with different translations and versions. Filtered each time through the diversity of thought that comes with life experience. I pondered the meaning of powerful words, like hell and evil. These words evolved in their meaning for me, and in their power of influence.
I found new interpretations of homosexuality, with roots in molesting boys. Ed Oxford shares his research about the history and use of the word homosexual in biblical translations in a conversation reported in Forge titled “Has ‘Homosexual’ always been in the Bible?” We are asked not to have sex with boys in 4 of the famous 6 passages he reports. Ed is gay himself, yet he is a Christian. https://www.forgeonline.org/blog/2019/3/8/what-about-romans-124-27.
I found a different definition of evil, defined by Neil Douglas Klotz in his book Prayers of The Cosmos. Evil, acts of “unripeness” or that which rots, ideas linked to social injustice. Growing up, evil was Satan or the devil, acts so awful they are ungodly. I could reconcile my early experiences within a new way of viewing the words. Evil acts do exist, rape, murder, incest. Yet, there is a softening of the impact of the word when one views the word as an “unripeness”. Those who commit evil acts, have an immaturity of the spirit in matter.
Mormons are not evil, Jesus asked us to love our neighbors. Mormons are humans, they make mistakes like me and they love others like me. Being gay is not evil, Jesus asked us to love our neighbors. My gay friends are loving souls, filled with a spirit and joy, embracing a spirit in matter. I have reconciled the faith from my childhood through a reframing of the words meaning and their application in life. I have expanded my compassion, the growth of compassion for me required too long to become ripe, to mature, to bear fruit in my actions. Yet I’m thankful it is there and growing.
Within my extended family, two family members revealed their new identity, a male identifying as a girl and a girl identifying as a boy. My growth expanded from first marrying a Catholic and in my second marriage, a Mormon. The background of the youth, embedded in deeply religious interpretations of the evilness of homosexuality and being transgender. Both youth facing adversity, each youth raised in the deeply religious roots of their family. Each family a different religion, yet with similar definitions of evil and hell. I was thankful I grew enough to offer a different view, for I no longer saw this as evil.
What made my day at the pool? A Christian friend began to talk about a book, a book she said she had to share with her librarian at home. The title of the book is Mad Honey authored by Jodi Picoult and Jennifer Finney Boylan. She shared with such enthusiasm this book is so important. I asked what it was about and she was reluctant to share. Yet, she yielded to the question. The times are too contentious for transgender. I’m not sure she was aware that on both sides of my family I have transgender family members. My interest was peeked. Maybe I have friends in which I belong after all.
After our swim, these two Christian women began to share their concept of God’s love. They shared their view that God loves everyone. It was so important to my fellow pool buddy that this book about loving transgender, be available. “ How could we not love one of God’s children?” she shared. I wanted to cry, right then and there. I was so filled with the spirit in the matter, a loving God, compassion for humanity. The other pool buddy shared her admiration of her transgender friend. Here were two Christian women, filled with love for another way of being. Two Christian women who broadened the definition of love and lived beyond a narrow definition of evil.
The feeling of belonging was overwhelming. Here I am, an introverted soul, who has shared her fair share of judgement and had to learn to expand her compassion, being greeted with unrequested compassion. I was greeted with an unconditional love beyond measure. My family can access humans who can love who they are. My family can be embraced by the love of Christians. My family can learn that followers of Jesus, not just me, can define God’s love with an expanded belonging. This confirmed that the broadness of belonging, elusive to me as a feeling for so long, has a home. I live partly in the world of the mystical and partly in the world of my Christian roots. I search the science and the religious, looking for connections between these opposing views. It is a broad belonging, this yearning I seek. I’m so grateful for my friends in the pool. The gift of belonging, having a true home of belonging, are rare glimpses for me. This one will rest with me for a very long time.
My name is Kathy Mortensen. I started a company called When Belonging Shines. I am a Certified Master Practitioner of Mental and Emotional Release®, a Minister and a Master Reiki Practitioner and provide sound bowl therapy in meditation and with Restorative Yoga practices. I have found a belonging in what Dan Seigel defines as a generator of diversity (God) and a Jesus I know, which differs from the Jesus I was taught about. I have found a belonging between the many religions and science, one filled with wonder and curiosity. I write to share about how I found my way between these opposing worlds, for I meet so many who believe as I do, that God is a loving God.
My website: https://whenbelongingshines.godaddysites.com
My facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/KathyMortensenWBS/
Youtube: @kathymortensen7377. (When Belong Shines)
